Saturday, April 16, 2016


I used to be brave before i had my child. I was staying by myself & pregnant when my ex was working remotely away from home.

I could drive in 3am to puncak alam passing Altantuya road.

I work shift and stay awake in the big room of my operation, although some i hear printer was making noise or keyboard sounds like someone has pressed 2 to 3 alphabet until i decide to increase the volume of headphone.


All this is not happening 100percent. Sedihnye. I guess my kid has took some of my semangat, yesterday was late for swimming 8pm je kot? But suria jelutong didnt install the
Pool lights and somehow i feel suspicious & turn on surah AlBaqarah near to where Khaleefa is and i wasnt in the pool. I warned him not to go far, and while i stay just beside the pool let my legs be wet. I wonder and the last time i did this was 4years ago in anggun puri.

Khaleefa was so happy, swims with his safety vast a.k.a pelampung. When i look into the water, then i imagine something else. Huhuhu. Mengharap someone just join me, so came a sexy lady with her bf. Pastinye dia pakai sports bra & a boxer. She jumped & started to swim backstroke. Haaa so i went in Hahahah it was hot in the water rather than cold above. Lupa pulak perasaan ni, the same feeling in Kenanga apartment, Puchong when back then lepak in pool was one of my fav.

Took my goggle& and started few strokes. It was dark mcm masuk tasik. HAHAHAHA. I feel so weird so i stop & complain to khaleefa takpelah khaleefa ummi takut swimming pool ni takda lampu dalam air. He said "ALA UMMI... ALA UMMIII... JUM LA"..

Tak pernah rase takut to do things but this time i feel not safe swimming in the dark although the light is on... takut woi! Mcm tasik pulak rase. Or  maybe i have develop new phobia!? ...

Yang pastinye swimming in the dark, which havs no source of light is so not cool!..

Tak sabarnye nak sign up khaleefa's swimming class...

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Mcm dejavu

High chances i always try to guard my self with zkir. Even to my own father, i hang out at ill' s place. 2 times i gotten call from home. I said, i just got back tgk kain and now im middle of the hutan near puncak. He responded.. Kau carik kain dalam hutan ke!

So i put high vol with that al Baqarah.. not responded and let the line dc by it self.

Some parent feels they own their OLD children.

Some husband feels tapak kaki dia syurga.

But the bullshit is, i dont find any correlation. You guys are tired, yet u plak behave mcm 2y old tantrum.

Kalau anak lelaki kurang ajar, they back off. Peliks ah.  Allah show it happen to other family or ur blood jugak. Parent will wear a diff hat. Pftt mungkinlah, i have
One son je pon.Maybe Allah is showing me this kind of picture if i want more kids..look at Along have 7 kids & he can just close one eyes with all those messy.. yet walhal
Along time sekolah usik buku pon perasan i just flipped them????...


Am i able to juggle & be fair? By that time insyaAllah i hope i have built good foundation
With Allah and He do not leave me alone... :(

Alhamdulillah if Allah just give more oppurtunity upon sbar.

I came to understand that everyday is a practise to change and one day this shall be rewarding.

By the time u think u got all in your hand,Allah break it in few second. How cool is that.
So each of plan must have Allah... that simple...

Goodnite souls.

Monday, April 4, 2016


Hb to u. This remind me of a year, that i did something wrong. But i never have forgotten abt u.  Until u have found someone that able to love you. I was happy that u out with someone who i do not know, although u keep coming back to say hi.

Those wondering years i have always met new people so i can erase sticky memories and this includes years.

I try not to be rude to you, as not much hatred i have in heart. Even to anybody. As how you didnt wave back during school, it gave some sadness in me.As how u acting strange with that gatal kind of person u are really punching of my nerve.

Im not good either but i am trying to be one. To see u being skinny was a broken heart to me. The same way that u walked during school. To hear that you bash me of how i damage u (u think), the way u bash ur ex (emmmm)... a totally disaster feeling.

Maybe we should hear what other people felt and what Quran told us to do. Because those hard years before i met u again, was a disasterous years without route. Even i ask myself why is it so hard, when others are doing it so smoothly.

Which is the key? It was i forgot to ask from Allah.

For these weeks before appointment, i ask Allah the owner of every hearts to actually let him melt his heart. So Allah indeed the owner of every hearts.

Thank u Allah.

Hb again. I hope u really take care of your self and i believe everyone out there cares abt u.


Sunday, April 3, 2016


Love doesnt meant you own it. Love indeed u feel responsible. Thank you Allah...

Monday, March 28, 2016

Freshen Up

Khaleefa is...3 Years + 3 Month.

Meaning that its quite sometime i have not been away
not spending my nights with him.

Now its 2 night, another 4 nights to go.

Not that i dont want, but no chance. But, i prefer to stay
in with him.The routine would totally caught me into
"Ahh Its night"... " Ah.. Its Weekend"... Ala rindu pulak ngan
apam ummi.

Memang betol manusia tu dalam kerugian,masa tu makin di kejar
makin tak cukup.

At this age, all those start to tick in head. Geessh its 12:30AM
tomorrow another swing from 9-7pm. But Alhamdulillah.

May Allah clear my mind & chest.

I maybe cleanup & change details of my blog in a year ahead i guess.

This training that we attend (coll & i), its seems mamat mat salleh GILER
yang duk drill us tahun ni tau la ko ex us-millitary, actually sits besides suda.
Head IT yang kami mintak kerja is sitting beside him! How awesome its that.
Tu nama nye jodoh gak tu. Dua-dua kepala botak kurus. Oh Allah.

Sometimes you are such a Sweet Teaser.

Ada la keciwa sikit, since i was not selected.



Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Once bitten,twice shy

When u know that this has nothing to do with u, i forgive myself for being angry for the rite reason. 1st of all my aura has been breached by silly women who have ask me such question.

As if a boomerang has set from far and hit my head. Thats the feeling.

It nearly blinds me, then i realize i wasnt the one throwing. I cant stop the motion, then i reflect
Back if i did . React.

If u have a difficult mental problem, get a therapist or get help. Stop blaming others as if you are innocent. If your have an anger disorder, stop being near to any entity that would cause u to be angry. Even if its means to sacrifce a connection. Just untie.

Ketenangan is much important than explaining to you why even date drug exist at our age. Grow up.


Freaking hates desperados.